“What men really think it is to be a modern man”
What is it to be a ‘Modern Man’? I was going to bang on about the how our physical body and fitness is our new ‘midlife crisis’ and being more active has replaced the shiny red sports car, being in touch with our feminine side blah, blah, blah…
But what is it really? Guess what most men won’t tell you… Is it to be a rough, tough and tumble at the same time be sensitive, emotional and nurturing!! BS.. Be honest to yourself and to what is inside, when this happens it will come out. Being truly honest to yourself is the toughest thing to do, being male a lot of us live in denial, be it work, health, relationships. We have the it’ll be right attitude with a lot of this.
I know I’m guilty of all the above and now have changed physique, career also now in a new courtship.
Putting the man flu aside, how many of us go “mmm that doesn’t feel right, I’ll go to a ‘insert problem solver here’ and get that checked out, nah.. it’ll be right’’, trying to ignore the issue until its chronic and we’re forced to do something about it. Not only physically, also emotionally, mentally and our beliefs, lets say spiritual. Ignorance is not bliss, ignorance is harmful reaffirming fears.
How many of us actually see ourselves in the mirror, we look in the mirror and our minds eye clouds our vision – we see what we want to look like, belly sucks in, chest goes out and shoulders go back, the very model of a Greek Adonis. Too scared to look because of fear of what we might see. I know I was in that fear, then I really saw a picture of myself with that hard cold honest reality set in… I was fat, bald with chronic back pain. What was I thinking, that’s right, it’ll be right…
OK, this was a pattern, what I did for work “it’ll be right, it pays the bills”. It took a few years to grow the courage to be honest with myself. The it’ll be right mindset combined with not seeing the things that weren’t right had a direct effect on my relationships.
Moving away from the it’ll be right mindset takes a deep breath asking yourself the questions: how is the affecting me? If is affecting you it will be affecting those around you. Am I happy, am I in dis-ease or discomfort? Am I allowing myself to feel pain, emotions or changes mindset? If you’re telling yourself how you should feel because you’re a Man guess what, you’re lying to yourself and those around you. The idea of fake it until you make it has a tendency to be like the house of cards, you take away one support the rest starts to crumble.
Also ask the question, “if I wasn’t doing this what would I really want be doing?” If you can say you can sustain a lifestyle that you are comfortable with and those you LOVE are comfortable with honesty, you will learn if it really will be right.
There’s the ‘L’ word. Love… The word we say but don’t give enough conscious thought to what it really is. With love, is there honesty and integrity, to yourself firstly and your partner, kids, etc. If you’re in an it’ll be right way of thinking, how is that being honest with yourself, showing yourself any form of integrity or to those you love.
Honesty and integrity in how you talk, hear, look, feel is the foundation for any relationship to be built. We want honesty to be shown to us unfortunately we forget that it starts with ourselves and communication. It could be any sort of communication, it could be a look, a smile, a word or a touch.
Your relationships and communication are internal as well as external. They’re a two way street, as you speak give time to listen. You may be surprised at what you hear when you quiet the mind, turn the TV off and letting the chatter and clutter go.
Have you bought something from eBay and it doesn’t look like the picture you saw or the description, I can guarantee you’re soon wanting our money back, then why would your relationships be any different.
As we become honest with ourselves, we learn and evolve to find that we can have emotions, can talk from the heart to strengthen our love relationships. Some may see it as change because it confronts their way of thinking you should be as a ‘Real Man’.
What it is, is moving from an it’ll be right mindset to what is right for you and those you love.
Being a Modern Man.